every day life

the hardest part of all, is waking up in the morning and looking at my arm. remembering everything, getting asked what the cuts in my arms are. and how i got them.. what am i suppose to say 'hey, you know, my boyfriend forced me and then blackmailed me. oh, all that while he was screwing my best friend' ??????????? how can i do that? how am i supposed to be accepted by some one when i cut myself? how can i expect some one to understand it??? i am a freak. i am weak, and stupid. no one can go with that. i cant!!